Little Hartman #2

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“Uhhhh, Matthew! MATTHEW!!!!!” I shouted from the bathroom. I found myself sinking to the floor, laughing and crying at once. “This stick says I’m PREGNANT!” Matthew ran to the bathroom and quickly crumpled to his knees. “Take another one. What?! How is this possible?” he said as he also fought back laughter and tried to be serious. Maxwell came running in and grabbed the pee stick. It was soon a family affair of laughter, tears, and disbelief. Oh, and an Amazon box worth of pregnancy tests.

I had a feeling. I knew I was pregnant. I was so sure that I was barely four weeks when I took the pregnancy test. I had only had a few cycles since Max had been born and as I had experienced before, my cycles started getting longer and further apart. Since we weren’t planning on trying to get pregnant any time soon, I wasn’t keeping track. Honestly, we figured that we would need help from a fertility specialist again.

There are some days, even now at 30 weeks, when we are both in shock. I will often see my reflection or walk past the bathroom mirror and think “whoa, where did that belly come from!” On one hand, we are so excited! We have always wanted our babies to be close together in age and can’t wait for Maxwell to have a little buddy.

There are days I feel sad that it won’t be just me and Max anymore. Living far away from family and friends, it has just been the three of us for a long time. We have grown so close. While Matthew is at work, its just Max and I. We have such a special bond. He’s a Momma’s boy and, let me tell you, that boy has my entire heart. Our days are full of so much fun playing outside, going on adventures, cooking and baking, reading, walks, chores, singing, building legos and stacking blocks, and so many snuggles, kissing of boo boos, and laughter. I worry about the upcoming transitions – a new baby, a big move, a new apartment. In a way, these days in Colorado seem more simple then the days ahead. I know it will be a lot on all of us, but I also know that we are in for so much more excitement and adventure.

When I get worried about my capacity to love two babies, I feel reassured by a prayer I prayed the night we found out that our second baby was on the way. That Sunday night as I was rocking Maxwell to sleep, it suddenly hit me that I was rocking both of my babies. I instantly began to cry. “How am I going to love two babies?” I love Maxwell so much, will I be able to love this baby as much?”  The still small voice of Jesus began to speak to me. “Elisabeth, you know how much you love Maxwell? I love him AND you even more. Do you see all my children in the world? I love them all and I have created you with the same capacity to love.” As I continued to rock both my babies, Maxwell’s hair became wet from my tears. I felt a peace and calm come over me despite the shocking news of the day.

I can’t wait for my heart to grow and to experience an even deeper understanding of the love that Jesus has for us. Now that I know the love of a mother, I am growing with even more excitement to share that special love with my littlest boy.

Little boy #2, we already love you so much. We can’t wait to meet you and welcome you into our family!