6: All I Want For Christmas

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I have always enjoyed browsing through little baby boutiques and dreaming about the day when I would be able to purchase darling little clothes and toys for my own children. It is especially fun to check out specialty baby stores throughout our travels. Poor Matthew has been dragged into so many of these stores and has endured watching me oooo and ahhh over tiny shoes and burp cloths. He just smiles and says “one day”.  Shopping in baby boutiques often leads to discussions about how we want to raise our children and the dreams and hopes we have for them.  I would mention how I don’t want our children having a lot of senseless “stuff” and that I have always loved vintage wooden toys.  There is just something special about the simple handmade design that makes me think about the “good ole’ days” our grandparents talk about.  And that’s just how I want my kids to remember their childhood.

 This past Christmas (2016), Matthew and I decided that we wouldn’t buy each other Christmas gifts. We had spent a bit of money working on the house and were going to Hawaii at the end of the year. Pretty much the perfect Christmas in my opinion- house projects and Hawaii! Of course, what I had really wanted was a positive pregnancy test.  But, ya’ll know how that was going.

I ended up buying Matthew just a few small gifts. On Christmas Eve, in between him seeing patients while he was on call, we sat around the Christmas tree and he opened his gifts.  Then, Matthew handed me a little package. When I opened it, I instantly began to sob. In a small brown parcel was a wooden toy car.  A baby toy, just like the ones I wanted for our babies!  Attached was a card that read:

 Dear Dizzy, I know that you have always said you would prefer our kids to play with more classic toys, like this wooden one. I like that. It means you want to raise a pure, grounded child who appreciates the simple things. I do too. This Christmas, I know you didn’t get exactly what you hoped. But let this gift show that I am 100% committed to you, to us, and our dream of one day having and raising pure, grounded kids. For every Christmas that is to come and as our kids grow older, there will be many ups and downs. Just know that I’ll be by your side every step of the way.

Praying, loving, and hoping that all your dreams come true.

 Love you,

 -Me

 And the tears just kept coming. I am beyond thankful to have a life partner to hold me up with the going gets tough as I certainly couldn’t bear this burden alone.

 We may not understand why hard things happen to us.  However, when things get tough we have two choices.  We can either accept them as a challenge and allow them to make us stronger, or we can succumb to the obstacles and allow defeat to take over.  I choose to accept our struggle to conceive as a chance to grow personally, to grow as a couple, and to grow in Jesus all the while hoping that each setback that I face only brings me closer to the One who helps me overcome.

 

 

photo credit: caressa rogers