15: Mother’s Day

 

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The day we had our ultrasound there wasn’t a mature follicle. However, the imaging showed I had actually just ovulated hours prior to the scan. I wasn’t quite sure what this meant for our scheduled IUI. Dr. B called later that afternoon and told me to go ahead a take the ovulation trigger shot and try on our own. He was confident that even though we had narrowly missed the window for our in-office procedure, we still had a chance of conceiving on our own. I gave myself the trigger shot and dropped to my knees in messy tears and fervent prayer. I don’t know how to explain it, but God gave me a peace and assurance that this time would be different. This time I would become a mom.

The following weeks God showed me verse after verse that He was indeed creating a miracle within me. My favorite being Psalm 139:13 which says:

“For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

 This verse made me stop in awe and wonder of our Creator!

I had to laugh at myself as I took 15 or so pregnancy tests over the coming weeks. The trigger shot is composed of the hormone HCG, which is the very hormone that the placenta starts to make and is detected in urine pregnancy tests. Until cycle day 12 or so, a positive pregnancy test could simply be detecting the shot and not a true pregnancy. Many women (like me!) can’t wait the two weeks and start testing daily until the pink line on the test gets lighter and more faint, indicating the injected HCG is leaving the body, and then. . . hopefully starts to get darker and darker showing a real pregnancy has taken place. Despite all the promises God showed me, I watched in disbelief as those lines just kept getting darker and darker! I went in for blood work and anxiously waited for the call. Because nothing is proven until there is blood involved, right? The office was supposed to call that Thursday afternoon with the result and never did. I found my heart sinking. . . maybe something happened, or is wrong? Why was I doubting God!? Friday morning the nurse finally called. She excitedly told me that I was most definitely pregnant and that the lab had to rerun my blood due to how high the HCG levels were, leading to the delayed result. I was driving and had to pull over into an empty parking lot. I sat there smiling, shaking, and crying. My God was indeed good.

Matthew and I celebrated by going to one of our favorite Memphis restaurants. We bowed our heads and together thanked God for our new little miracle. The following week we saw our little five week five-day-old poppy seed. As soon as we saw the heart beating I began to tear up. Matthew had to sit down as he stared wide-eyed and mouth open at the screen. He wasn’t expecting to see more than a fuzzy dot at that point and seeing his babies heart beat put him into a whirl of shock and awe. It was a moment I will NEVER forget and one that I will always hold in my heart.

We spent the first 10 weeks with Dr. B and had three ultrasounds during this time. Despite all the promises and peace God had given me, I still could’t help worry and fear something bad might happen to our growing baby. I had Bible verses all over the house to read whenever my faith began to waiver. Matthew would pray daily over our baby as week by week a new organ system was developing. It was precious, but a doctor praying over body development by organ system often leads to very long prayers! I found myself anxious at each ultrasound appointment, but as soon as we saw our baby and his/her beating heart a calm rushed over me. Each appointment, Dr. B would tell us how perfect everything looked. Those words were music to my ears!

I never thought that I would be writing THIS post. The post that announces to the world our God has been more than good and blessed us with a little growing miracle. I am proof that miracles do exist and that God’s plan and timing is indeed more than perfect.

Some have to endure infertility for a lifetime. For that reason, I feel immensely blessed that our struggle with infertility was only but a season. I will say that we were aggressive early on in the process by seeking out expert help and fertility treatments. We are grateful for the aid of modern medicine, however, Matthew and I both know that conception would not have been possible without the guidance and power of our Heavenly Father and Creator of life.

To those that are still longing to be parents and wrestling with understanding God’s plan and purpose, I pray that our story may offer some hope and encouragement. Please don’t think for one second that because our struggle was only a season that I don’t understand your pain, your aching heart, and broken spirit. I will always be an infertility warrior and will continue to pray daily for those that have reached out to me through this blog. Continue to trust in God and know that only He can mend your brokenness in His own beautiful way.

With today being Mother’s Day, I want to especially send love to all the women out there who have lost babies, are growing a baby, holding their baby, long for a baby, or maybe see motherhood in a different light than having a child of their own. Whoever you are, or whatever stage you are in know that you are loved by your Father in Heaven and you are more than enough in His eyes.

To my sweet Momma and Mother-in-law, Happy Mother’s Day. You can now tell the world you are going to be Grandmas.

 

 

PS: I plan to continue to share our journey throughout pregnancy and parenthood. So stay tuned!