Heart to Heart May 12, 2018

14: IVF or Bust?

With our first IUI having failed, we were both anxious for the second round. Of course, we had to wait for my cycle to start to begin the ovulation medications. I assumed that things would go the same way in regards to the medication working to develop the follicles just in time to trigger ovulation on day twelve, as this is the proper timeline for a round of IUI.

Unfortunately, when I went in for my day-twelve scan there were no plump and happy follicles to trigger. I was disappointed. The medication worked the first time, why wasn’t it working this time? Keep in mind that I had to rearrange my work schedule for all the ultrasound appointments due to the precise timing of the monitoring protocol. Though my work family was more than accommodating and helpful it was stressful to think that I would potentially have to change my schedule again for the next scan, and who knows, maybe again after that.

The doctor put me back on the same follicle-developing medication at a higher dose and told me to come back in for another ultrasound in two weeks. We excitedly went to our appointment hoping to see ripe, luscious follicles. They had grown but not big enough to trigger. I also had a cyst. A cyst is a common side effect of taking follicle stimulating drugs and concerning if it gets rather large. I had suspected that I had a cyst because I had felt a good bit of abdominal/pelvic discomfort for over a week. The nurse called us a couple hours later to say that the doctor had reviewed my scans and recommended canceling this IUI cycle. We found out later that it appeared I had already ovulated. We had missed the window. One more heartbreak. One more letdown.

By this time, Matthew and I were starting to get frustrated and began seriously discussing the next step: IVF. Dr. B called us a few days later and gave us the option of doing one more IUI or moving directly to IVF. We had decided from the beginning that we would do three rounds of IUI, as initially recommended by our doctor, prior to moving to the next step of IVF. Though at this point we were almost ready to move on to something that had a higher probability of working. We felt like we were wasting time, money, and emotions. However, we stuck to our original plan and decided we would attempt our third and final round of IUI.

During the long wait for my cycle to begin AGAIN we had another office visit to discuss the details of IVF, as it seemed inevitable that we would end up going down that route. I sat in the office thinking over the past year, never once thinking that we would be discussing this last step. How in the world did we get here? We discussed all that IVF entails, the ethical implications, our specific treatment plan, risks, and estimated costs. We signed the consent forms and all agreed that we would move forward with IVF if the IUI failed. Dr. B was generous and gave us several hundred dollars worth of IVF medication that the office had from other patient’s canceled treatments. I left feeling excited and hopeful about the success of IVF. The logistics made me nervous though. Due to the frequency of IVF monitoring with numerous labs and ultrasounds, we decided that I would switch to a PRN (as needed) schedule at work and begin IVF treatments in April.

Though IVF is controversial and Matthew and I spent many evenings discussing the ethical implications, one thing is certainly clear: it isn’t cheap. Thankfully, Matthew and I had been able to save up just in case we needed this intervention. I believe its unfortunate that insurance companies reimburse very little cost, or no cost at all toward infertility related treatment given the financial and emotional burden that it places on those that suffer from its various forms. Individuals who long to become biological parents, but physically cannot, must pay thousands of dollars out-of-pocket just for a chance that their dreams might come true. I hope to see a day when insurance companies cover at least a portion of all types of infertility related treatment, including IVF.

We prepared ourselves for the third and final round of IUI. I went in for the usual day-twelve scan, again no follicles were ready to be triggered. We stifled our disappointment and pressed on with another round of follicle developing medication. To be honest, I figured we were out of the game at that point. Although I was ready to proceed with IVF, deep down I had hoped this final cycle would finally bring us the baby we had prayed for. Ultimately, we prayed that God’s will would be done. After all, He was the author of our story. Not us.

That next week found us in the ultrasound suite yet again. Though it was becoming a familiar routine, anxiety still filled the room. Would there be a mature follicle? My only comfort at that point was that the IVF paperwork was signed, medications were in the fridge, and the next step was ready to go.